45 Funny January Quotes to Chuckle the First Month of the Year

1. “January is the calendar’s ingrown hair.” -Stewart Stafford

2. "The first month of the year, a perfect time to start all over again, changing energies and deserting old moods, new beginnings, new attitudes.” -Charmaine Forde

3. “No one ever regarded the first of January with indifference.” -Charles Lamb

4. “Let us do something incredible this New Year: Let us try to see the world from the window of other cultures!” -Mehmet Murat Ildan

5. “For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice.” -T.S.Eliot

6. “If I had my way, I would remove January from the calendar altogether and have an extra July instead.” -Roald Dahl

7. "January is the month for dreaming." — Jean Hersey

8. "I miss everything about Chicago, except January and February." — Gary Cole

9. "Little January is always full of fun." — Winifred C. Marshall

10. “I love beginnings. If I were in charge of calendars, every day would be January 1.” Jerry Spinelli

11. "Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page." — Henry Ward Beecher

12. "Lots of people go mad in January. Not as many as in May, of course. Nor June. But January is your third most common month for madness. ~ Karen Joy Fowler, Sarah Canary

13. "January, month of empty pockets!" ~ Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

14. "I like starting projects in January. That’s the best time to start something. It’s so inward." — Carolyn Chute

15. “January is the Monday of months.”

16. "I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second." — Helen Fielding

17. "January: Sparkling winter sunshine, face all aglow, making resolutions, and angels in the snow – steaming cups of cocoa, a year that’s fresh and new…all of this is magic – unfolding just for you."

18. “January is the best time of year for gym owners. You all come. It’s great! And then, by Valentine’s Day, you’re not coming in anymore.” – David Kirsch

19. “Feeling a little blue in January is normal.” – Marilu Henner

20. “I love the Mediterranean for the fact that winter is over in a minute, and the almond blossom arrives in January.” – Jade Jagger 

21. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald

22. “It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.” —William Thomas

23. “Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less new year and leave it at that.” —Judith Christ

24. “I think it would be more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.” – Helen Fielding

25. “I’m still the same person I was last year—now I’m just hungover.”

26. “‘Out with the old, in with the new’ is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.” —Andy Borowitz

27. “Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.” —Barbara Walters

28. “You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” —Charlie Brown

29. “New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.”

30. “Tonight’s December thirty-first, something is about to burst … Hark, it’s midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!” —Ogden Nash

31. “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.”

32. “I haven’t been this excited about a new year since last year.”

33. “May your dreams get fulfilled as well as your bills. Best of luck with the new year, dear.”

34. “Every new year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?” —Ogden Nash

35. “Every New Year’s I have the same question: ‘How did I get home?’” —Melanie White

36. “A new year means you will be a little bit older but not any wiser than today! Alas!”

37. “May the new year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall.” —Aleister Crowley

38. “Don’t be so worried about what you eat between Christmas and New Year’s. Worry more about what you eat between New Year’s and Christmas.”

39. “A good new year goal is like a strenuous exercise - it makes you stretch.” Mary Kay Ash

40. “January is the worst month. You are fat and broke from the holidays, paler than ever, and you can’t feel your own face when you walk outside.”

41. “New year - a new chapter, new verse, or just the same old story? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours.” Alex Morritt

42. “If you want to be happy, set a new year goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.” Andrew Carnegie

43. “I like starting projects in January. That’s the best time to start something. It’s so inward.” – Carolyn Chute

44. “January is the best time of year for gym owners. You all come. It’s great! And then, by Valentine’s Day, you’re not coming in anymore.” David Kirsch

45. “Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.” Dave Barry 

And there you have it – a journey through the funny side of January! As we finish this laughter-filled exploration, let's carry these smiles with us throughout the rest of the year.

Consider January the start of a big, beautiful comforter; these funny January quotes are the first stitches of joy. Whether you find joy in poking fun at short-lived resolutions or laughing at the idea of starting a diet surrounded by holiday treats, these funny moments are timeless.

As we move forward, let these funny January quotes remind us that no matter what the calendar says, "a good laugh can make any day warmer." Until next January, keep the happiness going because it's like a magical light that brightens even the coldest days.