How to Comfort Someone: 8 Simple Methods to Help Them

Liputan6.com, Jakarta Everyone faces difficult times, and knowing how to comfort someone is a valuable skill. Sometimes people experience sadness, stress, or loss, and a kind gesture can make a big difference. Offering comfort shows that you care and that they are not alone. The simple act of listening, sitting quietly, or giving a kind word can provide real support.

When you think about how to comfort someone, it is important to understand that comfort can look different depending on the person. Some people want to talk, while others may prefer silence. Some may appreciate physical closeness like a hug, while others just want personal space. Paying attention to their needs helps you give the right type of support.

In this article, we will share everything you need to know about how to comfort someone. From different comforting strategies to what to say and what not to say, these tips will help to comfort your friend or family when they need it the most. We gathered these tips from various sources, Monday (8/9/2025).

There are many strategies you can use to support someone during hard times. Each person may need something different, so knowing different methods can be helpful.

1. Validation Strategy

This way focuses on accepting and understanding their feelings without trying to change or judge them. You listen carefully to their emotions and tell them that what they feel is normal and makes sense. This strategy helps people feel heard and understood rather than alone in their struggle. It can reduce their emotional pain in a big way.

2. Practical Support Strategy

This means helping with daily tasks that might become difficult when someone is emotionally upset or overwhelmed by their situation. You can offer to cook meals, clean their house, run errands, watch their children, or help with work responsibilities. You can also handle phone calls for them. This type of support removes stress and worry from their daily life during hard times when they need energy for healing.

3. Distraction Strategy

Sometimes people need a healthy break from their sad or worried thoughts to give their minds some rest and relief. You can invite them to watch a movie, go for a walk, play games, or do other fun activities together that they normally like. This should only be used after you've first listened to their feelings. You need to accept their feelings properly and completely before trying to distract.

4. Physical Comfort Strategy

This includes safe and right physical touch like gentle hugs, holding hands, or sitting close together when the person wants this type of comfort. Physical comfort can help people feel less alone, more secure, and emotionally supported during difficult times. Sometimes words alone might not be enough to help them feel better and more connected to others.

5. Active Listening Strategy

This way focuses on giving someone your complete attention while they share their thoughts and feelings with you about their difficult situation. You let them talk without interrupting and ask thoughtful questions when it feels right. You show through your body language that you are really hearing and understanding what they are telling you. This makes them feel truly heard and valued as a person.

When learning how to comfort someone, it helps to know practical steps you can take. These actions show care and respect while giving the person space to feel supported.

1. Listen Without Judging

Put away your phone and give the person your full attention while they speak to you about their problems. Let them talk as much or as little as they want without interrupting them or trying to finish their sentences. Don't try to solve their problems right away. Just listen carefully to what they are saying. Show that you are listening by nodding and making eye contact with them.

2. Ask What They Need

Don't guess what might help them feel better or assume you know what they want from you in this moment. Instead, ask directly what would make them feel better or what kind of support they need most right now. According to wikiHow, you can ask by simply saying, "Is there anything I can do?" or "What would make you feel better right now?" This gives them control over the situation and shows respect.

3. Validate Their Feelings

Tell the person that their feelings are normal and okay, no matter what emotions they are experiencing right now in their situation. Let them know you don't judge them for being upset, angry, or sad about what happened to them. Use phrases like "It makes sense that you'd feel that way" or "I understand why this is hard for you." These words show understanding and acceptance of their emotions.

4. Offer Specific Help

Instead of saying "Let me know if you need anything," offer specific help that you can actually provide. This general phrase puts pressure on them to ask for help when they might not know what they need. You can say, "I'm going to the store later. Can I buy groceries for you?" You can also offer to help with particular tasks like cleaning, cooking, childcare, or running errands. Be clear about what you can do for them.

5. Check on Them Regularly

Don't just help once and then forget about them when the immediate crisis is over and things seem normal again. People often need the most support in the weeks and months after a difficult event happens to them. Caring Bridge says that ongoing listening and support should continue for whatever time period the person needs. This could mean months or even years of regular care. Keep calling, texting, or visiting regularly to show support and love.

6. Use Physical Comfort When Right

If the person is comfortable with physical touch, a gentle hug can be very healing and provide immediate comfort during their difficult time. Always ask permission first before hugging someone, especially if you don't know them well or aren't sure about their boundaries. You can also offer other forms of physical comfort, like bringing them a warm blanket or sitting close beside them. Respect their wishes if they say no to physical touch.

7. Share Your Experience Briefly

If you have gone through something similar in your own life, you can share your story for a short time to help them feel less alone. This shows them that other people have survived difficult situations too and that recovery is possible for them. However, keep your story brief and focus mainly on them and their feelings. Don't make the conversation about yourself and your experiences instead of theirs.

8. Give Them Space When Needed

Sometimes people need time alone to process their emotions and think about their situation without other people around them all the time. Respect their need for space and don't take it personally if they want to be alone for a while. Let them know you are available when they are ready to talk or spend time together again. Check in with them once in a while to show you still care.

The words you choose when comforting someone can make a big difference in how they feel. Here are helpful phrases that show support and understanding.

1. Recognize Their Pain

Use phrases that show you understand they are hurting and that their pain is real and important to you. Say things like "This is really hard for you," "I can see you're going through something difficult," or "This must be so painful for you right now." These words help them feel seen and understood rather than ignored or dismissed by others around them. Simple recognition of their pain can provide immediate comfort.

2. Let Them Know You Care

Tell the person directly that you care about them and their well-being, which can provide strong emotional support during their difficult time. Simple statements like "I'm here for you," "I care about what happens to you," or "You matter to me" can be very powerful and meaningful. These words remind them they are not alone and have people who love them. Sometimes hearing that someone cares is exactly what they need most.

3. Accept Their Emotions

Make it clear that their feelings are normal and understandable given their difficult situation and what they are facing right now. You can say "It's okay to feel sad," "Your feelings make complete sense," "Anyone would feel upset in this situation," or "What you're going through would be hard for anyone." This helps them know they're not wrong or weak for having these emotions. It also reduces feelings of shame about being upset.

4. Offer Your Presence

Let them know you will stay with them through the difficult time and that they don't have to face their problems alone without support. Say "I'm not going anywhere," "You don't have to go through this alone," or "I'll be here as long as you need me to be." Your presence and promise to stay can be very comforting and reassuring to someone who feels scared or overwhelmed. Sometimes just knowing someone will stay makes all the difference.

5. Ask How to Help

Show that you want to support them in the specific way they need most right now rather than guessing what might help them. Ask "How can I best support you right now?" "What would be most helpful for you?" or "What do you need from me today?" This gives them control over the type of support they receive. It also shows you respect their wishes and what they think would help them most.

Some phrases can make a person feel worse, even when you mean to help. Avoid these common mistakes when trying to comfort someone.

1. Don't Make Their Pain Seem Small

Never tell someone their problems aren't important or that they shouldn't feel upset about their situation right now. Avoid saying things like "It's not a big deal," "Others have it worse," or "At least you have..." These phrases make people feel like their emotions don't matter. They can also make them feel ashamed for being upset. This can damage their trust in you and make them less likely to share feelings in the future.

2. Don't Rush Their Healing

Don't tell someone to "get over it," "move on," or "just forget about it" because healing and grief take time for everyone to process properly. Each person processes difficult situations differently and at their own pace that feels right for them. Rushing someone through their emotions can make them feel pressured and misunderstood. They need patience and support instead of pressure to feel better quickly. Healing cannot be forced or hurried by others.

3. Don't Give Unwanted Advice

Unless someone specifically asks for your advice or suggestions, don't try to solve their problems for them or tell them what to do. Saying "You should just..." or "Why don't you..." can make people feel like you're not really listening to them. It can also make them feel like you don't understand their unique situation and challenges. Sometimes people just need to be heard, not fixed or told what to do by others.

4. Don't Use Common Sayings

Avoid phrases like "Everything happens for a reason," "It was meant to be," or "God has a plan" because these sayings often feel empty and unhelpful. These common sayings might make you feel better about the situation, but they often don't provide real comfort to the person who is suffering. They can feel hurt and dismissive of their real pain. They may also go against the person's beliefs or values about life and suffering.

5. Don't Make It About You

Don't turn the conversation to your own similar experiences unless it's very brief and actually helpful to them in their situation. The focus should stay on the person you're trying to comfort and their feelings rather than your own experiences and stories. Long stories about your own problems can make them feel like their pain isn't as important as yours. It can also make them feel like you're not really listening to what they need right now.

6. Don't Tell Them How to Feel

Never say "Don't cry," "You shouldn't feel that way," or "Stop being so sensitive" because people need to express their emotions naturally and honestly. Telling them not to feel certain ways can make them feel ashamed or misunderstood when they need acceptance and support. Everyone has the right to feel their emotions without being judged or controlled by others who think they know better. Emotions are normal and healthy to express, even when they make others uncomfortable.