120 Animal Jokes for Kids That Will Make Your Burst Out Laughing

1. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? "Ruff!"

2. What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.

3. Why are dogs like phones? Because they have collar ID's.

4. What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.

5. What do you call a sleeping dog? A bull-dozer.

6. Why do dogs run in circles? It's too hard to run in squares!

7. How does a dog with no nose smell? Terrible!

8. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!

9. What's a dog's favorite kind of pizza? Pupperoni!

10. What do you call a cold dog? A chilli dog.

11. What do you call a floating dog? A good buoy.

12. Why can't dogs work the TV remote? Because they always hit the paws button.

13. What do you call little sleeping doggies? Hush puppies.

14. What do you call a dog that does yoga? A foldin' retriever.

15. Why did the dog go to the bank? To make a de-paws-it.

1. What is a cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse.

2. Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

3. What do you call a cat who works for Santa? Santa Claws!

4. What does a kitty eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.

5. Where do cats go when they lose their tail? To the re-tail store.

6. What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.

7. What's a cat's favorite type of music? Meow-sic!

8. Why did the cat sit on the computer? Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!

9. What do cats have minty breath? They use mousewash!

10. Where do kittens go on school trips? The mewseum!

11. What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!

12. Why was the mouse afraid of swimming? Catfish!

13. What do you call a stylish cat? A dandy lion.

14. What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

15. What's a cat's favorite kitchen tool? The whisker.

1. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.

2. Why did the horse sneeze? Hay fever!

3. How do horses say hello? Hay!

4. What's a horses favourite TV drama? Neigh-bours!

5. When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to!

6. What kind of horse is good at swimming? A seahorse!

7. What game do horses like best? Stable tennis!

8. Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!

9. What do race horses eat? Fast Food.

10. What do you call a scary horse in the dark? A nightmare!

11. Which side of the horse has the most hair? The outside!

12. What do you call a well balanced horse? Stable.

13. What kind of horses go out after dusk? Nightmares!

14. What is a horses favorite state? Neighbraska.

15. How long should a horse's legs be? Long enough to reach the ground.

1. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

2. What do you call a pig playing tug of war? Pulled pork.

3. Why don't people like play basketball with pigs? Because they hog the ball.

4. What is a pig's favorite Shakespeare play? Hamlet.

5. What do you call a pig that steals things? Hamburglar.

6. How do sick pigs gets sent to the hospital? In a hambulance.

7. What do pigs use to send secret messages to one another? Invisible oink.

8. What did the pig say when he went to the beach and forgot his sunblock? I'm bacon.

9. What do you call a pig that's a member of the mafia? A hamster.

10. What sporting event do pigs compete in every four years? The Olym-pigs.

11. What did the doctor give to the pig for its bruise? Oinkment.

12. What is a pig's favorite monster? Frankenswine.

13. What do you call a pig that drives very slowly? A road hog.

14. Why did the pig leave the party? Because everyone thought he was a boar.

15. What did one pig say to the other on Valentine's Day? Don't go bacon my heart!

1. Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies.

2. What did the cow use to do his math homework? A cow-culator.

3. Where do milkshakes come from? Nervous cows.

4. What do you get from nervous cows? Milkshakes!

5. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work!

6. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak-out!

7. What do you call a cow you can't see? Camooflaged!

8. What do you get if you sit under a cow? A pat on the head!

9. Why do cows lie down in groups when it's cold? To keep each udder warm!

10. What do cows use in WhatsApp messages? Emooojis!

11. Why do cows tell jokes? To amoo-se themselves!

12. What type of magazines do cows read? Cattlelogs!

13. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!

14. What's a cow's favourite sci-fi TV programme? Dr. Moo!

15. Why is the barn so noisy? Because all the cows have horns.

1. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

2. What did the teddy bear say after finishing dinner? I'm stuffed.

3. Why do pandas like watching old movies? Because they're in black and white.

4. What do you call a bear without ears? B.

5. What does a grizzly eat at parties? Blue bear-y pie.

6. Why did the bear cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off!

7. What do you call a freezing bear? A brrrrrrr.

8. What did the bear say after he fell down the stairs? How embearassing.

9. What is a bear's favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala!

10. What do you call a grizzly bear in a phone booth? Stuck.

11. Why did the bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

12. How do you start a teddy bear race? Ready, teddy, GO!

13. What is a polar bear's favorite cereal? Ice Crispies.

14. What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands? Peter Panda.

15. How does a bear stop a movie? It hits the paws button.

1. Why do sharks live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

2. What fish only swims at night? A starfish!

3. What do fish do at football games? They wave.

4. Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

5. What do you call a famous fish? A starfish.

6. Why is a fish easy to weigh? Because it has its own scales.

7. What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.

8. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.

9. What's a shark's favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish.

10. What happened when the shark got famous? He became a starfish.

11. Why won't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny!

12. Who gives sharks presents on Christmas? Santa Jaws.

13. What do sharks order at McDonald's? A quarter flounder with cheese.

14. What did the shark say to the other shark? There's some-fin special about you!

15. How does a shark greet a fish? Pleased to eat you!

1. What kind of bird works at a construction site? A crane.

2. How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper!

3. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.

4. What bird is always out of breath? A puffin!

5. What kind of bird sticks to clothes? A vel-crow!

6. What did the duck say to the waiter? Put it on my bill!

7. What do you call a duck who's always telling jokes? A wisequacker!

8. What's the most musical part of a turkey? The drumstick!

9. How do chickens leave the building? They use the eggs-it!

10. Why do ducks make good detectives? They always quack the case!

11. When does a duck get up? At the quack of dawn!

12. Why don't penguins fly? Because they're not tall enough to be pilots!

13. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff!

14. What did one penguin say to the other? Nothing, he gave him the cold shoulder!

15. Why do owls get invited to parties? Because they're a hoot!