60 Squirrel Jokes That Are Totally Nuts

1. What do you call a squirrel that goes to space? An astro-nut.

2. Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested? Because he was foraging checks.

3. What do you call a squirrel in charge of a bank? A branch manager.

4. How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but how they got in there is the real mystery.

5. What did the squirrel say when he was late for work? "I'm sorry, but the traffic was absolutely nuts."

6. If a squirrel and a raccoon were playing Scrabble, who'd win? The squirrel, because it has a "Q."

7. Why did the squirrel take her car apart? She wanted to see the nuts and bolts of it.

8. What do you call a squirrel with a great sense of humor? A stand-up com-nut-dian!

9. Why did the squirrel bury her lottery tickets under a bush? She was hedging her bets.

10. What did the first squirrel say when the second squirrel put twigs in the frying pan? "What are you doing? This is a non-stick pan!"

11. I was thrown out of the park for arranging squirrels by height. They didn't like me critter sizing!

12. What's the difference between a rat and a squirrel? Nothing, really — the squirrel's just a rat in a cuter outfit.

13. Why are squirrels bad at poker? They're always squirreling away their acorns!

14. What did the squirrel say when he had to decide whether to stay or jump? "I'm really on the fence about this one."

15. Why did the squirrel avoid going to the gym? He said, "I already work out climbing trees all day!"

16. What do you get when you mix a rat with a sea snake? A squirr-eel.

17. Why didn't the squirrel eat the macadamia? It was a tough nut to crack.

18. What did the squirrel say to the police dog? "Stop barking up the wrong tree and don't act like a nut."

19. I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today. I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.

20. Why do neutered dogs always chase squirrels? They're just trying to get their nuts back.

1. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

2. What do you call a squirrel in a church? A chipmunk!

3. What did the tree say to the squirrel? Leaf me alone!

4. What do squirrels wear on their feet? Cashews!

5. What do you call a squirrel with no nuts? Hungry!

6. What's invisible and smells like nuts? Squirrel farts!

7. What did the baby squirrel say to its parent? I'm nuts about you, Dad!

8. Where do squirrels go on holiday? Beech trees!

9. What do squirrels do on their day off? They just nut around.

10. Why don't squirrels ever lose their keys? They keep them in their nut pockets.

11. What's a squirrel's favorite chore? Dusting with their fluffy tails!

12. What do squirrels dream about? Finding the world's biggest acorn.

13. I saw a squirrel this morning cycling through the park. I didn't know they can ride bikes!

14. What does a dog say after chasing a squirrel up a tree? "Bark!"

15. Why couldn't the dog find the squirrel? It was barking up the wrong tree.

16. What do you call a female squirrel? A girrel.

17. Which squirrels make the best heroes? Flying squirrels.

18. What did one squirrel's family say after he came back from the movie theater? "Tail us all about it!"

19. Why don't squirrels play hide-and-seek? They're too nutty to stay hidden.

20. What do squirrels give each other on Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts!

1. What's a squirrel's favorite ballet? The Nutcracker!

2. What do rich squirrels eat? Cash-ews!

3. What famous squirrel tells the future? Nutradamus!

4. What do you call a fight between squirrels? A squarrel!

5. A doctor for overweight squirrels is called a nut-ritionist!

6. What's a squirrel's favorite kind of math? Nut-matics!

7. Why did the squirrel bury the can of fish? Because tuna spelt backwards is "a nut."

8. What's a squirrel's favorite seasoning? Nutmeg.

9. What do you call a squirrel that solves crimes? Squirrel-lock Holmes.

10. What's a squirrel's favorite board game? Nut-opoly!

11. How do squirrels call each other? On their acorn-phone!

12. What's a squirrel's favorite movie? The Social Nutwork.

13. What is the squirrel internet called? The nutwork!

14. What's a squirrel's favorite kind of joke? Acorny one.

15. How do squirrels stay organized? They keep everything in acorn-dance.

16. What's a squirrel's favorite ice cream flavor? Peanut butter cup.

17. Why are squirrels such good acrobats? They always land on their nut-feet.

18. What's a squirrel's favorite dessert? Pecan pie!

19. What do squirrels order at a coffee shop? A hazelnut latte with extra foam!

20. How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a coconut.