80 Boat Jokes You Should Check Out

1. Have you heard about the Bluetooth iceberg? Any ship that goes near it will sync.

2. What do you call an android that was designed specifically to move a small wooden boat around? A row-bot.

3. Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built? Because I Noah guy. I hear he's a fantastic Arkitect.

4. A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, "Do boats like this sink very often?" "Not too often," replied the skipper. "Usually only once."

5. What did Gotye say after he sold his boat? "Now you're just some boat that I used to row."

6. My boss said he races boats. So I said, "Wow, you must be a fast swimmer!"

7. A group of friends were on a boat in Munich when the hull was breached. They quickly called for the German Life Guard yelling "Help we're sinking!" The Life Guard asked, "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"

8. I got a boat for my wife. Best trade I've ever made.

9. Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships? So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!

10. A boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint and the crew were marooned.

11. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. "What's this?" asked the skipper, "It looks as if someone is drowning!" "No," explained his crew, "It's just a little wave."

13. I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late. That sail has shipped.

14. Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.

15. What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat? Quatro sinko.

16. A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just had a new winch installed on my boat today," the guy tells the bartender. "Ship just got reel."

17. I just bought a really expensive barge pole. I thought I'd push the boat out!

18. Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive? You stop pretending.

19. I crashed my rowing boat. I suffered a broken scull.

20. A catamaran sailing in the frostbite series race lost its mast and was nearly overturned by a large wave. The headline in the club newsletter the next day was, 'Cata-frostic Dismaster.'

1. What is the most crowded and caring boat called? A friend-ship.

2. What is the name of the fastest sailboat in the world? Usain Boat.

3. Why did the students go on the boat? To get their scholar-ship!

4. What was the name of the pirate that did not fear the tides? Johnny Depth.

5. Which music band is not allowed to perform on a navy boat? Maroon 5.

6. What ship is most liked by all the vampires? Blood vessel.

7. What kind of detergent do sailors use the most? Tide.

8. What do you call a boat with AI? Row-bot.

9. What was the discount rate at the boat store? A two-for-one sail.

10. How to make a boat feel healthy? Just give it some vitamin sea.

11. What did the water say to the boat? Nothing. It just waved.

12. What was the name of the boat filled with football players? Sportsman-ship.

13. Which movie do sailors like to watch the most? The Codfather.

14. What do you call a ship that's 50% off? A sale boat.

15. What is the name of the most joyful ship? The laughter-ship.

16. Why did the Norwegian sell their boat? They couldn't a-fjord it!

17. What do you call a person specialized in boat chemistry? Salter White.

18. What does BOAT stand for? "Break out another thousand."

19. Making a boat out of stone would be a hardship.

20. Old sailors never die, they just get a little dinghy.

1. Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat? Because if they fell forward they'd still be on the boat.

2. What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.

3. Where did the flying boat land? At the air-port.

4. Why did the dolphin chase the boat? To find its porpoise!

5. What kind of vegetable is banned on ships? Leeks!

6. How do boats say hello to each other? They wave!

7. Where do zombies go sailing? The Dead Sea!

8. What's a vampire's favourite type of boat? A blood vessel!

9. What do sailors eat for breakfast? Boatmeal!

10. What did the dentist call his office on a boat? The Tooth Ferry.

11. How did the wedding on the boat go? They had a ferry-tale ending!

12. What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!

13. Why are pirates so bad at learning alphabets? Because they always get stuck at C.

14. From where did Captain Hook buy his hook? At a second-hand store.

15. What happens when a boat passes near a sleeping duck? It's a wake.

16. What do boats eat with a spoon? Tomato sloop!

17. Where does Bugs Bunny decide to park his boat? At the "What's-up dock!"

18. What do you call it when Shrek falls off a boat? Ogreboard!

19. When is a boat just like snow? When it's adrift!

20. Did you hear about the boat that had a baby? It was a buoy!

1. What was the name of the optometrist who came on the boat? A see captain.

2. How was the boat turned into a party boat? Through pier pressure.

3. Why couldn't the sailors play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck.

4. How do you make luxury yacht charters look younger? Boat-Tox.

5. What do the sailors use to clean their noses when they have a cold? Anchor-chiefs!

6. What did the boat say to the other boat? "Can I get a free pass on row-mance?"

7. Why did the sailor suddenly jump into the sea? To test the water.

8. What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board? "Water you doing here!?"

9. What did the canal say to the cargo boat that passed through uninvited? "You can't just barge in like that!"

10. What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely? Sailgating.

11. How do you get fresh milk from a boat? By pulling on its rudder.

12. What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn't leaving the dock? "I haven't got a crew."

13. How did they label the boxes of snails that were loaded on the barge? S-cargo.

14. What race doesn't require running? A regatta race.

15. I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise... Until I realised, we are all in the same boat.

16. Hundreds of people lined up for the paddle sale at the boat shop. It was quite an oar deal.

17. If your boat gets sick, I know a great dock. It's pier-reviewed.

18. I can't think of any more boat puns. Canoe?

19. Who got a free movie ticket pass on the cruise ship? Tom Cruise.

20. What do you call a boat full of mean potatoes? A dictatorship.