90 Farmer Jokes That Are Udderly Hay-larious

1. What is a farmer's favorite Bruce Springsteen song? Born in the USDA.

2. Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession? Every day is a hare-raising experience.

3. What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn't fit into the pen? "There's more there than meets the sty."

4. I asked a farmer if it's easy to milk a cow. He said, "Sure. Any jerk can do it."

5. What's the best part of farming? Getting down and dirty with the hoes.

6. Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"? Because it was always running out of the pen.

7. What did the melon farmer say to disappoint their forbidden lover? Cantaloupe.

8. Why did the farmer stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it.

9. What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier? He got a hot-diggity-dog.

10. What's a chicken farmer's favorite book? 50 Shades of Lay.

11. Why were the baby strawberries crying? Their ma and pa were in a jam.

12. What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl with a goat? A hootenanny.

13. Why did the farmer bury his money in a field? He wanted to make his soil rich.

14. What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer? "You take me for grunted."

15. How did the farmer stalk the woman? He tractor.

16. Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He has got no beef.

17. What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? An udder failure.

18. Why did the pot farmer have such ugly fields? He was afraid to use a weed whacker.

19. As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep. We'd tell them to the dog, but he'd herd them all.

20. Why did the farmer bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.

21. What did the grape say when the farmer stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

22. How did the farmer fix his jeans? With a cabbage patch.

23. Why did the police arrest the chicken farmer? They suspected fowl play.

24. Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive from wheat to wheat.

25. What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows? What a miss-steak.

26. Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar? He wanted sweet and sour pork.

27. Farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet, and just want to read the pepper, turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed!

28. Why did the pig take a bath? The farmer said "hogwash"!

29. Why did the farmer ride his horse into town? It was too heavy to carry.

30. Where do farmers get their medicine? The farm-acist.

31. What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!

32. Where do cows go on Friday night? To the moo-vies!

33. What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill!

34. How long do chickens work? Around the cluck!

35. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor!

36. What do pigs put on sore toes? Oinkment!

37. Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

38. What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An eggroll!

39. What is another name for a smart duck? A wise quacker!

40. What runs around a farm but doesn't move? A fence!

41. Why did the chicken join a band? Because he had the drumsticks!

42. What do ducks watch on TV? Duckumentaries!

43. What would you get when you cross a moody sheep with an angry cow? An animal in a very baaa-d mooo-d!

44. How do you count cows? With a cow-culator!

45. What did one egg say to the other egg? Let's get cracking!

46. What do you call a dog in a cornfield? A corn dog!

47. What time does a duck wake up in the morning? At the quack of dawn!

48. Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work!

49. What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud!

50. Where do cows go for lunch? The calf-eteria!

51. What kind of things does a farmer talk about when they are milking cows? Udder nonsense!

52. What new crop did the farmer plant? Beets me!

53. What do you get if you cross rabbits and termites? Bugs bunnies!

54. What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit? Straw-berries!

55. What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow? It's pasture bedtime!

56. How does a farmer fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.

57. What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck? Milk and quackers!

58. What do you call a happy farmer? A jolly rancher!

59. Why did the farmer buy a brown cow? He wanted chocolate milk!

60. What happened when the man stole a pig? The pig squealed to the police!

61. What day do potatoes hate the most? Fry-day!

62. If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height? From my head tomatoes.

63. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!

64. Which farm animal keeps the best time? A watch dog!

65. What do you call a chicken that tells jokes? A comedi-hen!

66. What kind of headphones do farmers wear? Beets by Dre.

67. How did the farmer find the cow? He tractor down!

68. What do you call a bull that always falls asleep? A bull-dozer!

69. Where do farmers send their kids to grow? Kinder-garden.

70. Why can't a rooster ever get rich? Because they work for chicken feed!

71. I tried to navigate the farmer's field, but it was a maize.

72. Why do cows have hoofs? They lactose.

73. Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the lane and then turned into a field.

74. What do you call a cow with no calf? Decaffeinated.

75. Being a farmer isn't for everyone. But hay, it's in my jeans.

76. Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? Because he was out standing in his field!

77. I saw a sign at the farm that said "Duck, eggs." I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.

78. What kind of horses have scary dreams? Nightmares.

79. Have you heard any jokes about sheepdogs? I've herd them all.

80. Why did the cabbage win the race? Because it was ahead.

81. What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.

82. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

83. Did you hear the cow joke? It's very amoosing.

84. A friend of mine just got a job as a director at MacDonald's farm. He's been made the CIEIO.

85. Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend? He was a real boar.

86. How do horses say hello? Hay!

87. I could never use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn. Now I have a stable connection.

88. Did you hear about the wooden tractor? It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission, and wooden work!

89. How did the organic vegetable die? Natural causes.

90. What do you call a small pork farm? A hamlet.