50 Lawyer Jokes and Funny Quotes: Comedy in the Courtroom

Liputan6.com, Jakarta If you enjoy a good laugh, lawyer jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone! These humorous one-liners and quotes often poke fun at the stereotypical image of lawyers and their profession.

Whether it's the clever wordplay or the amusing situations they depict, lawyer jokes have become a popular form of comedy. It's common to hear these jokes shared among friends, and even lawyers themselves enjoy a good chuckle at their own expense. From funny courtroom anecdotes to witty punchlines about legal debates, lawyer jokes add a humorous twist to the serious world of law.

In this article, we have selected some of the best lawyer jokes and funny quotes from various sources, Monday (21/5/2024). Get ready to giggle as we explore some hilarious lawyer jokes and quotes that are sure to brighten your day!

1. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.

2. There is a new Barbie doll out for Christmas, she’s called Divorce Barbie. She comes with a lawyer and all of Ken’s stuff.

3. Did you hear about the man who sued an airline company after it mislaid his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

4. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.

5. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side and then on the other.

6. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a £20 note. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are fantasy creatures.

7. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

8. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.

9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

10. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue!

11. Lawyer: “My client is trapped inside a penny judge! He’s in-a-cent!”

12. When an attorney gets married, she says “I accept the terms and conditions.”

13. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

14. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.

15. Why is To Kill a Mockingbird considered a work of fiction? It features a lawyer with morals.

16. My wife accused me of being a terrible lawyer. I couldn’t defend myself.

17. How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested.

18. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.

19. Do you know how copper wire was invented? Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

20. Lawyer’s creed: A man is innocent until he has been proven broke.

21. What’s the difference between an accident, and a calamity? An accident is when a bus full of lawyers plunges off the road, and into a river; a calamity is if they can swim.

22. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

23. When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep? Because deep down, they are all nice guys

24. A man went to a lawyer and asked what his fee was. “$100 for three questions,” answered the lawyer. “Isn’t that a little steep?” said the man. “Yes,” said the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”

25. When you tell lawyers you love them, they ask for evidence to support your statement.

26. What is the trouble with suing Santa? He comes with a clause.

27. Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling with a pig in mud — sooner or later, you realize they like it.

28. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take to keep a lawyer away?

29. How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture? Just say, “Fees!”

30. There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

31. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them, but you never see them.

32. What happened to the banker who went to law school? Now she’s a loan shark.

33. Where do vampires learn to suck blood? Law school.

34. How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.

35. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway? Only three. The rest are true stories.

1. "Finding a good barber is like finding a good lawyer – you gotta go to the same guy." - Ronny Chieng

2. "A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns." - Mario Puzo

3. "Make crime pay. Become a lawyer." - Will Rogers

4. "If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers." - Charles Dickens

5. "99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name." - Steven Wright

6. "A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." - Patrick Murray

7. "A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer." – Robert Frost

8. "A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers." – H. L. Mencken

9. "There are three sorts of lawyers – able, unable and lamentable." - Robert Smith Surtees

10. "I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five." - Steven Wright

11. "Whoever tells the best story wins." - John Quincy Adams

12. "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back." - Fred Allen

13. "Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge." - Unknown

14. "There are no funny lawyers – only funny people who made a career mistake." - Robert J. White

15. “You win some and you lose some, but you get paid for all of them.” - Unknown