80 Engineering Jokes That Will Torque Up Your Day

1. An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says it's half empty, an engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

2. Why did the engineer install a motor too powerful in the moving stairway? It escalated very quickly.

3. How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a hardware issue.

4. Two antennas got married. The wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.

5. What is the definition of an engineer? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

6. Engineers like to solve problems but if there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.

7. Why was the software engineer so poor? Because she used up all her cache!

8. What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities.

9. Why do engineers confuse Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

10. An engineer, a physicist and a statistician are attempting to hit a target with a cannon. The physicist calculates and falls 100 feet short. The engineer calculates and overshoots by 100 feet. The statistician then declares, "We hit it!"

11. Engineer No. 1: "I bet you can't name two structures that can hold water." Engineer No. 2: "Well, dam."

12. What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? "That hertz!"

13. Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?" Wind turbine 2: "I'm a big metal fan!"

14. An electrical engineer built a house entirely out of resistors. The welcome mat said Ohm Sweet Ohm.

15. There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

16. What do nuclear engineers like to eat? Fission chips!

17. Why is a robotics engineer never lonely? Because he's always making new friends!

18. Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

19. Why did the software engineer leave his job? There were too many bugs.

20. How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do? Tell them it's "impossible."

21. What kind of ears does Thomas the Tank Engine have? Engineers!

22. What do you call a mechanical shovel? Ground-breaking technology!

23. Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder? He had more degrees.

24. What do you call an architect who's good at maths? An engineer!

25. Did you hear about the person who invented the escalator? They were mechanically inclined.

26. What's a computer engineer's favorite snack? Microchips!

27. What kind of graphs do engineers make after Thanksgiving dinner? Pie charts.

28. Why did the electron throw up? He was spinning.

29. What's an engineer's favorite nursery rhyme? "Rho, rho, rho your boat, gently down the radius of curvature."

30. Are you made of copper and Tellurium? Because you're CuTe.

31. What happens when you read a book about anti-gravity? You cannot put it down.

32. What's an engineer's favorite rock band? AC/DC.

33. What did the mechanical frog say? Rivet Rivet.

34. What do engineers call quiet? Problem-solving time.

35. Why did the Higgs Boson go to church? For the mass.

36. Where in the world can you find the highest concentration of engineers? Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!

37. What would happen if eight hobbits got together? They would know that they are turning into a hobbyte.

38. What's an engineer's favorite animal? A pi-thon.

39. You may have heard of Sin City, but have you heard about Den City? It's mass over volume.

40. What's interesting about engineering Toilet Paper? It's an a-ply-ed science.

41. I'm an engineer. To save time, let's just assume I'm never wrong.

42. Trust me, I'm an engineer. I watched a YouTube tutorial.

43. I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

44. If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it.

45. Software engineers never die; they just go offline.

46. I would tell you an engineering joke, but it's too complicated.

47. A good engineer is precise but never brief.

48. Trust an engineer to make things complicated.

49. Engineers are the reason behind coffee shortages worldwide.

50. An engineer's motto: "Fix it now, ask why later."

51. Engineers see the world in binary.

52. To an engineer, the glass is twice the necessary capacity.

53. Engineers are pros at de-constructive criticism.

54. Old software engineers never die... They just reboot.

55. Anyone can build a bridge. It takes an engineer to just barely build a bridge.

56. Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.

57. I have an engineering degree. To save time, let's just agree that I know more than you.

58. What do you call a rude civil engineer? An uncivil engineer.

59. Engineers: solving problems you didn't know you had, in ways you can't understand.

60. Why did the engineer bring a ladder to the bar? They heard the drinks were on the house.

61. Why do engineers make good partners? Because they're built to last.

62. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work.

63. How do you drive an engineer insane? Make them watch as you fold up a road map the wrong way.

64. My calculator stopped working mid-way through my engineering exam. I can't count on it anymore.

65. Why did the engineer cross the road? To optimize the traffic flow.

66. Why did the software engineer go broke? He used up all his cache.

67. Conventional wisdom: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Mechanical Engineer: If it ain't broke, consider adding more features.

68. You might be an engineer if you've used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

69. What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? A doctor kills people one at a time.

70. How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer? Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

71. I have a Russian friend who's a sound engineer. And a Czech one too, and a Czech one too.

72. What did the sound engineer say on his last day of work? Audios.

73. I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!

74. What song lyric do electrical engineers always get stuck in their heads? "Watt is love? Baby, don't hertz me."

75. Why did the engineer cross the road? Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

76. What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

77. Why did the civil engineer become a poet? To express their feelings in concrete terms.

78. How does an engineer like their coffee? Well grounded!

79. Why did the engineer break up with their calculator? It just didn't add up.

80. What's a civil engineer's favorite type of tea? Structural integri-tea!