50 History Jokes for Teachers and Students

1. What is the name of a severely injured historical figure? Napoleon Bone-apart!

2. Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated? He was Bjorn again.

3. Why was World War II so slow? Because they were Stalin.

4. Why was the Russian city renamed Stalingrad? Because Joseph Stalin finished college.

5. How did the Vikings send secret messages? By Norse code.

6. Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

7. Swedish astronomer Andres Celcius died in 1744 at the age of 43. Though his rival, Fahrenheit, was convinced he was 103.

8. Why does history keep repeating itself? Because we weren’t listening the first time.

9. My grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2. He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe.

10. What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common? Their middle name.

11. Where do young Vikings hang out? In the Norsery.

12. Who made King Arthur’s round table? Sir-Cumference.

13. Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army? Laugh-ayette!

14. Why is history class so hard? Because the teacher asks about things that happened before you were born.

15. Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8th!

16. When were Medieval armies too tired to fight? When they had a lot of sleepless nights!

17. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom!

18. Why did the archaeologist become a comedian? Because he loved digging up old jokes.

19. Why did Karl Marx dislike Early Grey tea? Because proper tea is theft.

20. When a knight was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave? Rust in peace!

21. What kind of tea did the American colonists want at the Boston Tea Party? Liberty!

22. Why was the history degree deemed useless? Because there’s no future in it.

23. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? Because it can’t sit down!

24. What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants? They both lived in colonies!

25. Why did the Pilgrims sail to America? It was too far to swim.

26. Who succeeded the first President of the United States? The second one.

27. What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek? Marco Polo.

28. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but what do two Wrights make? An airplane.

29. Why did Alexander the Great have to study geometry? He wanted to conquer all the angles.

30. What caused the Great Depression? A lack of self-care.

1. Why are there pyramids in Egypt? It is too heavy to be put into a museum.

2. Why was the pharaoh boastful? Because he sphinx he’s the best!

3. How did brave Ancient Egyptians write? With hero-glyphics.

4. What’s an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant? Pizza Tut!

5. Why did the mummy go for a relaxing spa and massage? He was all wound up.

6. How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell? Toot-and-come-in.

7. How did the pharaoh feel after a long day of ruling? Tut-erly exhausted!

8. Why did the ancient Egyptians need a doctor? They had sar-cough-aguses.

9. Why did the ancient Pharaoh go to jail? He wouldn’t stop running his pyramid schemes.

10. Why did Ancient Egyptians think cats were lucky? Because they had nine afterlives

1. What cut the Roman Empire in half? A pair of Ceasars.

2. Why wasn’t there any McDonald’s in the Roman Empire? There was too much Greece

3. How do you contact the Roman Empire? Pick up a phone and column.

4. Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons? He wanted to Mark Antony.

5. Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever? Julius Sneezer.

6. What did Caesar say to Cleopatra? “Toga-ther, we can rule the world!”

7. Why didn’t the Romans have algebra? Because X always equaled 10!

8. What was the Romans’ greatest achievement? Learning to speak Latin!

9. How did the Roman emperor cut his hair? With a pair of Caesars.

10. What did the Roman say when his wife was eaten by a lion? Gladiator.