69 Beer Jokes That Can Make You Choke on Your Drink

1. What does Santa Claus drink to get drunk? A polar beer.

2. Why do they never serve beer at a math party? Because you can't drink and derive.

3. What did the beer sing on the beach? "Don't worry. Be hoppy."

4. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "for you? No charge!"

5. Why do frogs taste like beer? Because of all the hops.

6. What do you call a Jewish beer? A Hebrew.

7. A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says: "Give me five beers."

8. What did the bottle write on the postcard? Wish you were beer!

9. A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a beer and a mop.

10. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

11. What's a beer's favorite workout? The keg lift!

12. Why was the beer can embarrassed? It got caught chilling in the fridge.

13. What did the IPA say to the lager? "You're too pale for my taste!"

14. A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

15. Why did the beer fail at stand-up? Its jokes were too flat.

16. What's a beer's dream job? A professional chiller.

17. A teacher walks into a bar and says "Can I have a beer?" The bartender says "I don't know, CAN YOU?"

18. What's a beer's favorite sport? Keg-tossing.

19. How do beers travel? In a six-pack road trip.

20. What did the stout say to the pilsner? "You're looking a little light."

21. A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."

22. What's a beer's favorite holiday? National Beer Can Appreciation Day, of course!

23. Why was the ale so confident? It knew it was well-brewed.

24. Beer is made from hops. Hop is a plant. Therefore, beer is a salad.

25. My body is not a temple. It's a microbrewery with legs.

26. This beer tastes like I'm not going to work tomorrow.

27. Trust me, you can dance. – Beer

28. To beer or not to beer, that is the question.

29. IPA a lot when I drink beer.

30. Never look at your beer as half empty. Look at it as halfway to your next beer.

31. Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets…

32. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of a kid dropping an ice cream.

33. You shouldn't drink beer every day. That's why I only drink at night.

34. Fun fact about root beer. You can turn it into regular beer by pouring it into a square cup.

35. I fear my last words will be: "Hold my beer and watch this."

36. Some people see the glass as half empty. Some see it as half full. I just wonder who on earth is drinking my beer.

37. Remember, it's only a beer commercial. That kind of happiness may not be attainable.

38. Beer and life are best enjoyed the same way. Chilled.

39. When my friend fell asleep at the bar I poured ale at him. It was a brewed awakening.

40. Stop trying to make everyone happy. You're not beer.

41. In heaven there is no beer, which is why we drink it here.

42. They say you can't find happiness at the bottom of a beer. No kidding, who's happy when their beer is over?

43. Why do we love beer? Because you can't drink bacon.

44. What's a beer's favorite movie? Brewed Awakening.

45. How do you cheer up a sad beer? Give it a little headspace.

46. What's a brewer's favorite dance? The hop-and-skip!

47. What is the definition of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.

48. Give a man a beer, and he wastes an hour. Teach a man how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.

49. Every day I say, "Bob, you've got to stop drinking so much." I'm so glad my name is Chad.

50. Sign outside a bar: "Buy one beer for the price of two and get your second beer absolutely free."

51. What do you never say to a policeman? "Sure let me grab my license. Can you hold my beer?"

52. Why did the stout refuse to date? It was too dark and brooding.

53. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

54. What kind of beer do you make in a bucket? Pale Ale!

55. What's a beer's favorite book? The Great Gats-beer.

56. Why don't beers ever fight? They just settle it over a pint.

57. How do you know a beer is shy? It's always hiding behind the foam.

58. Dinosaurs had no beer. How did that work out?

59. What did the beer say to the glass? "You complete me."

60. Why was the brewery so cool? It had the best fans—ceiling and human!

61. How do beers stay in touch? They send bottle messages.

62. What's a brewer's favorite instrument? The barley-cello.

63. Why did the beer join a band? It had the best "pitcher"!

64. Why don't beers use dating apps? They prefer to meet at the tap.

65. What did the beer say to the wine? "You're too grapey for this crowd."

66. Why do beers love summer? They get to chill by the pool.

67. How do beers flirt? They give a foamy wink.

68. Why did the porter go to school? To improve its "body" of knowledge.

69. What did the bartender say to the overconfident beer? "Don't get too hoppy!"