45 Football Jokes That Will Score a Goal Every Time

1. What did Ant say while eating a curry during the Euros final? “Declan… Rice was fantastic!”

2. Which football team loves ice-cream? Aston Vanilla!

3. Why do so many Americans play soccer? So they don’t have to watch it on TV.

4. What do soccer referees send during the holidays? Yellow cards.

5. Why does the soccer ball curse so much? Because he gets a kick out of it.

6. What does Cristiano Ronaldo and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks.

7. How do soccer players stay cool during a game? They stand next to the fans.

8. Why do soccer players make good teachers? Because they’re always full of lesson-balls.

9. Why was the soccer player always tired? Because they were constantly going back and forth between kick grass and making runs.

10. Why did the manager bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game? He was hoping for a draw!

11. Three hours of football and the goalkeeper is still England’s top scorer…

12. What did the manager do when the pitch became flooded? He sent on his subs!

13. Which team always start the match with a bang? The Gunners!

14. Who's the most dangerous footballer? Eden Hazard!

15. What do you call a Frenchman playing on a Nintendo Console? Thierry on Wii.

16. Why are the Italians so good at football? Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

17. What’s the difference between [insert team here] and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup!

18. Who is the slipperiest footballer on the planet? Antoine Grease-man.

19. What tea do footballers drink? Penal-tea!

20. How do you set fire to a football stadium? With a match.

21. Where’s the best place in America to shop for a football kit? New Jersey!

22. Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!

23. Which team is the chewiest? The Toffees!

24. I didn’t do very well in my football teamwork exam… I didn’t pass!

25. Why can't football players wear glasses? It's a contacts sport.

1. Why can’t Cinderella play soccer? Because she always runs away from the ball.

2. What position do ghosts play in soccer? Ghoulie.

3. Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!

4. Who was the horse's favourite footballer? NEIGH-mar!

5. Why is Ronaldo's bedroom always tidy? Because he's not Messi!

6. Why didn't the dog want to play football? Because he was a boxer.

7. Why do football players do well in school? They know how to use their heads!

8. What's the worst thing that can happen to a football player? To have no goal in life.

9. Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.

10. Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game? For persistent fowl play.

11. How do we know that soccer referees are happy? Because they whistle while they work.

12. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?So he could tie the score!SA13. Why don't soccer players get hot? Because they have so many fans!

14. Why was the soccer coach upset on his birthday? He didn't get any cards!

15. What is it called when a dinosaur gets a goal? A dino-score.

16. What did the mummy soccer coach say at the end of practice? “Let’s wrap this up!”

17. What are successful forwards always trying to do? Reach goals.

18. Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music? Because he broke all the records.

19. Why did the surfer go to the football game? He wanted to practice the wave.

20. Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket!