75 Cop Jokes That Are Dangerously Funny

Liputan6.com, Jakarta - Cops play a big role in keeping our communities safe. Every day, police officers work hard to protect people and maintain order. They face many challenges and sometimes difficult situations. Because of this, people often find ways to connect with them through humor. Cop jokes are one way that many enjoy seeing the lighter side of police work.

Police officers are seen as figures of authority, which makes them common subjects of jokes. These jokes often highlight funny or unexpected moments in police life. Cop jokes help people relax and laugh about everyday situations involving law enforcement. They show that police officers, like everyone else, have a human side that can be funny and relatable.

In this article, we have collected some of the best cop jokes that are dangerously funny. We gathered these hilarious jokes from various sources, Thursday (26/2/2026). Without further ado, let's check them out.

1. Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Me: "You were bored and wanted some company?"

2. A police officer pulled me over and said, "Papers." I said, "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes.

3. Officer: "I notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" Driver: "I noticed your eyes are glazed over. Have you been eating donuts?"

4. Cop: "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Driver: "Isn't it your job to tell me?"

5. An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence. He says to the man, "We're going to have to give you a drug test." Without hesitation, the man replies, "Cool, which drugs are we testing?"

6. Cop: "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." Driver: "You're wrong, officer. It's only my hat that makes me look that old."

7. Officer: "Why did you park here?" Me: "The sign says, 'Fine for parking.'"

8. Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Me: "You were bored and wanted some company?"

9. I asked a rookie what he would do if he had to arrest his mother. He said, "I'd call for backup!"

10. Man: "Can I park here?" Cop: "No." Man: "What about all these other cars?" Cop: "They didn't ask!"

11. An officer observes a woman standing in the middle of the street. He approaches her and asks, "Are you OK?" The woman replies, "Yes, but how do I get to the hospital?" The officer says, "Just keep standing there."

12. When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket. He asked, "Would it make a difference if I told you I'm in the Air Force?" The police officer replied, "Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane."

13. Officer: "How high are you?" Driver: "No, officer, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"

14. Tourist: "Are you a policeman?" Officer: "No, I am an undercover detective." Tourist: "So, why are you in uniform?" Officer: "Today is my day off."

15. Police officer: "So I'm writing you a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane." Me: "You're going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk."

16. A police officer is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees. He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts "Pull over!" The granny shouts back, "No, it's a scarf"

17. Officer: "Where do you think you're going?" Driver: "Donut shop, officer." Officer: "At 80 miles per hour?" Driver: "I wanted to make sure I beat you there, so there would still be donuts to buy."

18. A police officer gives a woman a speeding ticket and she wants to know why he didn't give her a warning first. The officer says, "Ma'am, there are warnings posted up and down this highway. They say, 'Speed Limit 65.'"

19. Officer: "I'm going to follow you to the nearest police station." Me: "What for?" Officer: "I've forgotten the way."

20. A police officer looked at my driver's license and said I should be wearing glasses, so I told him I had contacts. But he didn't care who I knew and he gave me a ticket anyway.

21. Judge: "I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again." Criminal: "That's what I kept telling the arresting officer, but he wouldn't listen."

22. Police officer to perp: "Where do you live?" Perp: "With my parents." Police officer: "Where do your parents live?" Perp: "With me." Police officer: "Where do you all live?" Perp: "Together." Police officer: "Where is your house?" Perp: "Next to my neighbor's house." Police officer: "Where is your neighbor's house." Perp: "If I tell you, would you believe me?" Police officer: "Tell me." Perp: "Next to my house."

23. A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?" "For drinking." replies the officer. "Great" says the man. "When do we start?"

24. Man got pulled over in the carpool lane. Police officer: "Where's your passenger?" Man: "Due to social distancing they're in the car behind me."

25. I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me. Funny… I don't remember applying for a job there.

26. Why did the police arrest the baseball player? He stole second base.

27. Why did the police officer smell so bad? He was on duty.

28. What do you call a female police officer playing guitar? She-riff.

29. Did you hear the celery got arrested? They charged him with stalking.

30. What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot? A cellfie.

31. Why did they arrest the cap? It was covering for the marker.

32. Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp? He got a very light sentence.

33. Why did the thief wear blue gloves? He didn't want to be caught red-handed.

34. Why did the officer give the ghost a ticket? It didn't have a haunting license.

35. Why are policemen such great volleyball players? They know how to serve and protect.

36. On what show do police officers solve crimes committed by garden gnomes? Lawn & Order.

37. Why did the NYPD show up at the Mets game? They heard someone was stealing bases.

38. One fire truck and 20 cops show up to a call. What happened? Dunkin Donuts burnt down.

39. Why did the cat get a ticket? It littered.

40. What are the four food groups for cops? Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted.

41. Why did the coffee call 911? It was mugged.

42. Why couldn't police notify the family of the murdered baker? He was a John Dough.

43. Did you hear they arrested the Energizer bunny? He was charged with battery.

44. What happens when a police officer goes to bed? He becomes an undercover cop.

45. Did you hear about the two peanuts who walked through a bad neighborhood? One was assaulted.

46. What do you call a clairvoyant who escaped from prison? A medium at large.

47. Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.

48. A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states. Solid, liquid, and gas.

49. There's a man in the town who's stealing the wheels of police cars. The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

50. What are riot police in Germany called? Sour kraut control.

51. What do you call a police officer who gets convicted of murder? A good start.

52. The police are trying to say I assaulted a guy with a sheet of sandpaper. All I did was rough him up a bit.

53. The police caught a person erasing people's criminal records. They said he was a real pro for a first offender.

54. Police are usually shocked that I have a record. But I love their greatest hits!

55. Who works in tandem with the grammar police? Corrections officers.

56. Why did the peanut call the police? It was a-salted!

57. What did the policeman say to the snowman? Freeze!

58. What did the policeman say to his tummy? You're under a vest!

59. What sort of photo do you take at the police station? A cell-fie!

60. What do you get if you cross a tennis player and a policeman? Someone who serves and protects!

61. What did the policeman say to his dinner? Irish stew in the name of the law!

62. Why did the police arrest the cheetah? For speeding!

63. What's got a screen, keys and can arrest you? A PC!

64. What do you call it when a policeman is watching cows? A steak-out!

65. What kind of insects join the forces? The po-lice!

66. Why are policemen so musical? They're always on the beat!

67. What happened when the wig got stolen? Police combed the area!

68. Why did the policeman have a barbecue? He was grilling the suspects!

69. How do police travel? In a heli-cop-ter!

70. What happens when you steal a vehicle? You get in-car-cerated!

71. Someone stole some dogs from a dog walker... The police have no leads!

72. Which police unit gets rid of flies? The SWAT team!

73. Why did the police arrest the duvet? They knew it was covering up something!

74. What does a frog use to keep away burglars? A lilypad-lock!

75. How do cops greet people? Policed to meet you!