200 Cringe Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Anyway

1. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

4. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

5. How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.

6. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.

7. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

8. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!

9. How do you organize a space party? You planet.

10. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

11. Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!

12. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

13. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!

14. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!

15. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

16. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.

17. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

18. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!

19. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

20. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!

21. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A king fish.

22. How do you make a walnut laugh? Crack it up.

23. What's a skeleton's favorite room in the house? The living room.

24. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

25. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

26. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

27. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

28. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.

29. What's the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish!

30. How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste!

31. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

32. Why don't scientists trust stairs? They're always up to something.

33. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!

34. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!

35. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory!

36. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.

37. What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty!

38. How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet carefully.

39. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.

40. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

1. When does a joke become a "dad joke"? When it becomes apparent.

2. I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids. I'm a faux pa.

3. What does a house wear? Address.

4. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!

5. Why did Waldo go to therapy? Because he needed to find himself.

6. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.

7. Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.

8. How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke-him-on.

9. What is the worst insult you can say to a ghost? "Get a life."

10. What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.

11. Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.

12. Did you hear about the king that went to the dentist? He needed to get crowns.

13. What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients.

14. Where do armies belong? In your sleevies.

15. What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

16. What's the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.

17. Why shouldn't you trust trees? They seem shady.

18. What causes dry skin? A towel.

19. Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.

20. What did the earthquake say when it was done? "Sorry, my fault."

21. Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.

22. When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.

23. Why are most people tired on 1st April? They've just finished a 31-day March.

24. What did the beach say when the tide came in? "Long time no sea."

25. What kind of underwear do lawyers wear? Briefs.

26. Can February March? No, but April May!

27. Why couldn't the baby score in basketball? He was always dribbling.

28. How do you make Budweiser? Send him to school.

29. What do you call a broken clock? A waste of time.

30. How does Vin Diesel keep in touch with the Fast and Furious crew? On a Zoom call.

31. What's a skeleton's favourite type of road? A dead end.

32. Why do two tall people get along so well? They can really see eye to eye.

33. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They're both parasites.

34. Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.

35. What did one wall say to the other? "I'll meet you at the corner."

36. What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.

37. Why didn't the vampire bite Taylor Swift? She's got 'Bad Blood.'

38. What has five toes and isn't your foot? My foot.

39. Did you hear the rumour about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!

40. What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath? Bubble 07.

1. My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She's starting to sound like my wife.

2. I haven't spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!

3. What's the difference between a man's wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.

4. My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was today!

5. My kid gave me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.

6. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

7. Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately, yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!

8. I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

9. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!

10. What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.

11. I had a date last night, and it was perfect. Tomorrow, I'll have a fig.

12. My wife asked me to stop singing "Wonderwall" to her. I said, "Maybe..."

13. What's the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.

14. What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.

15. What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.

16. My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.

17. What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.

18. What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada!

19. Why did the Karen press CTRL+ ALT+ DEL? Because she wanted to see the task manager!

20. I got so excited that spring is here that I wet my plants.

21. I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with. She said yes, all the rest had been nines and tens.

22. My wife turned to me and said, "What starts with F and ends with K?" and I said, "No it doesn't."

23. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

24. Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.

25. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk!

26. What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam!

27. How do fish get high? Seaweed!

28. What do you say when your favorite smoke shop is replaced by a J. Crew? Closes, but no cigar!

29. I'm so excited about the amateur autopsy club I just joined. Tuesday is open Mike night!

30. Once I was kidnapped by mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

31. I believe that protection should be used at every conceivable occasion!

32. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

33. 5/4 of people admit they're bad at fractions.

34. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

35. I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

36. Why is cold water so insecure? Because it's never called hot.

37. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.

38. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.

39. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.

40. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.

1. What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer!

2. Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

3. What do you call a dinosaur that loves to sleep? A dino-snore!

4. How do you make a banana split? Cut it in half!

5. What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple!

6. Why don't elephants use computers? They're afraid of the mouse!

7. What do you call a pig that does magic tricks? A ham-magician!

8. How do you talk to a giant? Use big words!

9. What's a snake's favorite subject? Hiss-tory!

10. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed!

11. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!

12. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall!

13. What's a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!

14. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well!

15. What do clouds wear under their raincoats? Thunderwear!

16. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!

17. What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear!

18. Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert? Because they're always stuffed!

19. What's a ghost's favorite fruit? Boo-berries!

20. How do you make a hot dog stand? Steal its chair!

21. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!

22. Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer so long!

23. What's a robot's favorite snack? Computer chips!

24. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it!

25. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

26. Why don't eggs tell each other jokes? They might crack up!

27. What's a monster's favorite bean? A human bean!

28. How do you organize a space party? You planet!

29. What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered cow? Moody!

30. Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems!

31. What's orange and red and full of disappointment? School pizza!

32. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!

33. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks!

34. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

35. What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!

36. How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs!

37. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? Your Royal High-ness!

38. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

39. What's a tornado's favorite game? Twister!

40. How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints!

1. I wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.

2. I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

3. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

4. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

5. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

6. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

7. It takes guts to be an organ donor.

8. I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.

9. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.

10. I enjoy telling bad puns. That's just how eye roll.

11. I told a bad chemistry joke once. I got no reaction.

12. My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

13. I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.

14. Once I read a book about glue. I couldn't put it down.

15. Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.

16. If you see a burglary at an Apple store, you become an iWitness.

17. Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, "That's a novel concept."

18. I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

19. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

20. The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

21. A friend told me all apples are yellow… I told him: "that's bananas!"

22. I once got fired from a juice factory. Apparently I couldn't concentrate.

23. There are only two things I don't eat for breakfast: lunch and dinner.

24. I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

25. I was going to tell a time-travelling joke, but you didn't like it.

26. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

27. My partner left me because of my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

28. I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

29. I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

30. Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas.

31. To the person who stole my place in the queue. I'm after you now.

32. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.

33. I didn't think orthopaedic shoes would help me, but I stand corrected.

34. A cheese sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

35. Never hand Princess Elsa a balloon. She'll just Let It Go.

36. I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.

37. My partner asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall' at every party. I said "Maybe..."

38. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it's just a bug going around.

39. Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

40. The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.